Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Little Sow's Ear That Could


Dear Danny Boy:

Man, you sure know how to pick 'em. Like, wow. How much positive publicity will your new client, masturbation Nazi Christine O'Donnell's ghost-written book, Troublemaker, get after she walked away from a high profile interview on Piers Morgan's show on CNN the day after St. Martin's fast-tracked her book past other worthy titles represented by your agency? I'm speaking, of course, of future English class fodder such as Always a Witch (IMHO, a more suitable title for Ms. O'Donnell's book than the more eponymous Troublemaker) and Crossroads (featuring on its cover a half-nude Sarah Palin going after a Caribou with a crossbow).

How much easier will it now be for Ms. O'Donnell's media liaison to get more high-profile media exposure after she'd shown the heroic qualities that would've made her, give a measly 17 points, a Tea Bagging member of the United States Senate? The poor woman is so busy pimping her new book that she can't even stay in her seat before having a flak stand in front of a camera while she modestly disrobes herself of her earpiece and clip-on microphone. If nothing else, perhaps this ought to teach lolly-gagging phone hackers such as Piers Morgan to get on the ball and ask his Gotcha questions before she flits off the sound stage at the very mention of teh gays.

It's surprising that such a literary luminary such as Christine O'Donnell isn't included in your client list of other scribblers of deathless prose such as Penn & Teller, Cedric the Entertainer and everybody's favorite conservative, Stephen Colbert.

And I hope that you do the right thing by Ms. Donnell and defend your client from the shabby treatment she'd received tonight by giving Piers Morgan a piece of your mind (actually, a text to anyone else will do. One way or the other, he'll read it.). Because God knows the woman needs a payday until the next election cycle when she can once again live off campaign contributions "magic money" under the nose of the FEC and with the blessings of the Justice Department.

So keep sending out those form rejection letters to the rest of us who have readily apparent talent and can actually write our own books. Who needs literacy, Danny Boy, when right wing whining about the liberal media costing Tea Baggers elections by quoting them ver batim can rake in so much more moolah in the short term?

But as incidentally lucrative as flash-in-the-pan book deals are (even though the 15 minute flash pretty much fizzled out about nine months ago), it must give you an even warmer feeling in the pit of your stomach akin to a Mexican dinner in Andrew Breitbart's gut at midnight that you singlehandedly, in the generous and selfless act of body-tackling Ms. O'Donnell, turned a sow's ear into a silk purse. Ms. O'Donnell, if nothing else, will remain an enduring inspiration to every right winger who aspires to be an author in spite of not being qualified to draw a hopscotch grid with sidewalk chalk.

Your humble and obedient servant,

JP

P. S. Crissy's book has collected quite a lot of surprising and unexpected tags from meanie lib'rals. Go to her Amazon page and check it out. The top 9 tags are: keeping america stupid, nut job, dishonest, witches, wingnut welfare, political grifter, grifter, paying bills is for little people and, ironically, dildo.

2 Comments:

At August 18, 2011 at 1:23 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Apparently, Danny Boy, she's doing it again because it works. Doing the Palin thing and quitting in the middle of an interview except when on a Fox soundstage is actually making her book sale rank on Amazon go up. Isn't this country great, when people bolster the economy by buying gossip books by post-literate political failures virtually sight unseen?

 
At August 21, 2011 at 9:36 AM, Blogger Zarathustra said...

Chritine O'donnell, what a f**King joke! If money wasn't so tight, I'd buy her book just to jerk off on it!

 

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